What Would You Like to Be When You Grow Up?

"What would you like to be when you grow up?" It's a question often asked when you are a child and you don't often really know what you really want to be and most of the time, when answering, you will have chosen something that looks the most fun. Perhaps a fireman or a doctor. Most people don't go on to become what they 'wanted' to be as a child, whether it was an unrealistic dream or just because their likes and ambitions changed as they grew up.



My 18th Birthday party- theme was
 'what you wanted to be when you were seven'

For my 18th birthday party I held a fancy dress party with the theme 'what you wanted to be when you were seven'. The outfits ranged from serious to hilarious (somehow we had two girls who wanted to be ladybirds)! I went as a celebrity. I wanted to be lots of things when I was that age. One being a teacher, another a secretary and being famous was also quite high up there.

I think my main issue, which I have realised recently through counselling for PND, is that whereas most people leave this indecisiveness behind when they reach adulthood, I still want to do lots of things, to be lots of things and this makes it hard to focus on any one thing I set my hand to.

I love working, but right now I am unable to put the time and effort I need to into my business

Last week I had to make the difficult decision of taking a break from my events business. I was already finding it increasingly difficult to work around a very mobile Carly, but when Cameron's childcare also fell through, I realised that working around both kids week in, week out, would be near impossible and not fair on me or the kids to put us under that pressure. It has been hard as I want to be able to work, but at the same time, I am unable to afford childcare for them both in order for me to put in the time and effort the business needs. It's almost like having three kids, and unfortunately it has meant having to put the needs of the business to the back of my mind for the time being.

In the past, blogging has led to opportunities such as writing for More Magazine
and taking part in their Superfan issue

The positives to have come out of this is that I have been freed up to have a think about what my other passions are, apart from events. I have rediscovered my love of blogging, and when talking to my counsellor, I have realised that writing is what makes me happiest. I have been looking into freelance journalism and also rethinking about books that I have started writing in the past. Writing is something I love and can be slotted in to my life with relative ease.

Modelling has always been something I have loved

 

I have also set up a modelling page. As a natural born poser, I love being in front of the camera and I have really enjoyed taking part in photo shoots in the past. I wouldn't want to model full time as a career, but this is definitely something I am looking into doing in my spare time.

Ultimately, being a mum and doing things that make me happy
are what's important right now when battling with PND

As someone who has struggled in the past to come up with hobbies on my CV I am determined to understand what makes me happy outside of work and the kids, and I think these two things are definitely a good start. Ultimately being happy is most important right now in battling my PND so I am going to enjoy my break from the business by spending time with my kids, writing and modelling as well as looking at the positives in life. Life is too short not to spend it doing what makes you happy!

And who knows, this break might even help me finally come up with the answer to that all important question- "What do I want to be when I grow up?"

30 Day Celebrity Challenge: Day 25: A celebrity you respect for what they’ve been through in life

I am not a huge fan of Stacey Solomon, but I totally respect her for what she has been through. She is about the same age as me and I feel I can relate to her a lot. She had her son aged 18 and split with the dad during her pregnancy, as I did. She has since started dating someone, but for a long time was a totally single mum and raised her son whilst struggling to study, and then compete on the X-Factor, and now work in the public eye. I really respect her for speaking out in an article I read which was on her PND and how low it made her, and even made bonding with her son difficult at the start. I really admire and respect her for speaking out about it, as it helped me finally realise earlier this year that I had PND, and I went to the doctor after reading the article.

Attack of the Yummy Mummies....

So yesterday I went to my first (and indeed last) Mums and Babies group at the centre nearest to my new flat. I had gone to a group before when I was at my old place but had stopped going once I was focussing on my dissertation, and then never went back. That group had been a 'Young Mums' group, though a lot of the women there were actually older mums who had just stayed on for years.

This new group was aimed at mums of under 2s, so I went in with high hopes that we would have lots in common. Boy was I wrong! Not one woman made an effort to welcome me into the group the entire two hours I was there. Nobody even spoke to Cameron. The organiser didn't even bother saying hello to me, despite the obvious fact that I was new and didn't know anyone.

What a joke!

I had an awful time. Luckily Cameron was alright as he was playing with all the toys and having a great time in his little bubble. I couldn't wait to get out of there and won't be going back.

The mums were all grouped together and there was this one group of women who looked like clones, all bootleg faded jeans, tight jumpers and long platinum blonde hair.

They were also ALL married, ALL at least 6 years older than me, and ALL extremely unfriendly. I am not sure whether it was the fact that I was younger that made them so unwelcoming. But what I do know is I have never been made to feel so low in my life, and I was instructed to go to these groups by my doctor as I am suffering from PND! I am pretty disgusted by it to be honest. I have friends who are older than me with kids, and do not look down on me as a younger mum. There is no excuse for this school playground behaviour.

I have been told to start up my own group aimed at younger mums in this area by a lot of people on Facebook after having dicussed yesterday's events. I am looking into trying to arrange a big meetup which could hopefully become regular.

Meanwhile, I always say that when people doubt me I am stronger, and this is no different. I may have PND, but I am going to get better, with or without the 'Yummy Mummy' brigade....