For someone who has been blogging for over a year and finds it a huge escape, I have actually found it really upsetting that I have gotten out of it. I really miss blogging, updating you all on what is going on in my life, venting about things that make me angry, and generally having somewhere where I am able to pour my real emotions out. The thing is, I don't think I have really been doing that for a long time on the blog.
I started reading a new blog a couple of months ago and I couldn't believe this person found the time to write such throught provoking and insightful posts daily when they too had a child around the same age as Cameron. I will admit that it made me pretty jealous that she was able to write things I hadn't thought of covering but felt strongly about as well. It did play somewhat a part I think in my slow decline of posting. I looked at my blog in a new light and realised that actually, I haven't written something I have actually been proud of in months.
I looked back at some of my first posts and saw what I was seeing in this other mum's blog. I saw passion. I lost passion for blogging, for writing in general and this really showed in my posts. I started using things such as Project 365 and 30 day challenges to hide the fact that actually, I had not much of interest to say anymore.
I want that to change, but I am still not sure whether it will be that easy. I am going through some pretty big changes in my life at the moment, but these things are not something I am willing to open up about at present which makes blogging as honestly as I have in the past somewhat impossible. I think one of my problems was that I was trying to force myself to blog daily, something I used to find a lot easier when Cameron was much easier to entertain, napped more in the day and I didn't have a boyfriend.
In the last few months I found myself constantly apologising for not blogging as often and at the end of the day, although I am hugely grateful for all my followers and readers, I started this blog for myself and I think I lost sight of this when so many people I know started blogging and it became harder to not view it all as a competition. I know everyone says that they write for themselves and don't mind how many followers and comments they receive, but being a competitive person by nature, this became harder the less I blogged and the less interest I received in what I was writing about. I guess you could say I had become jaded as a blogger.
I want to get back into blogging but I am going to do it gradually. I will be writing posts when inspiration comes to me and I actually have something interesting to say and update you all on rather than forcing myself to blog for the sake of blogging. I hope those of you who do follow me and read what I have to say will continue to do so. I do appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my rambles, however random they may be. I hope that I will regain my blogging mojo and begin to write posts I am truly proud of again.
Thank you once again, as always, for reading,
Emma-Louise aka Yummy Mummy