Topic Tuesday: Smoking During Pregnancy

I know I haven't written one of these posts in a long time, but this topic is something that I feel extremely strongly about and as it has come into the news recently I wanted to have my say about it. If you haven't heard, Stacey Solomon of X-Factor and Iceland advertisement fame has been in the news over the last few days due to the revelation that, at seven months pregnant, she still smokes around three cigarettes a day.

The photo of Stacey smoking recently which sparked the huge debates

Due to the massive (in my opinion, totally deserved) backlash from the general public, Stacey has now been stripped of her Mum of the Year title and will no longer be running for this year's title either. I used to really like Stacey, I even wrote a post on how she had helped me come to terms with my PND, however, to me this is disgraceful behaviour on her part.

Stacey appearing on This Morning today to talk about how ashamed she is of her smoking

Today I came across hundreds of people, mainly women and even more shockingly, other mums, standing up for Stacey and justifying her actions on both Twitter and Facebook. I couldn't actually believe some of the things people were saying in her defence:

"Don't get why everyones havin a hissy at smokin while pregnant? There's people out there that do drink/drugs while pregnant!" 

 

"People are being harsh on a sneaky cigarette whilst pregnant, nobody is perfect!" 

 

"She smoked while pregnant? My mum smoked through all three of her pregnancies, get the fuck over it"

"I think it's harsh that the press have made be stripped of mother of the year for something, most mums do it..." (sic) 

 

That last one was the one that left me with my mouth open wide at how ignorant some people are. 'Most mums do it', really? I don't know anyone who smoked whilst pregnant. I am glad I don't. It makes me sick to think of the damage cigarette smoke does to an unborn baby who is powerless to stop their mother from poisoning them.

Don't get me wrong. I am not totally anti-smoking (I would never smoke myself but I can understand people become addicted to the habit), however, when you find out you're pregnant, whether planned or not, you owe the baby inside of you to stop smoking no matter what it takes. Of course it may not be safe to go 'cold turkey' as some of the pro-Stacey comments have been suggesting, however, Stacey is now seven months pregnant and found out a long time ago that she was expecting her second child. She has had plenty of time to stop smoking totally and I for one definitely don't feel that she should be applauded for 'making an effort at all' and cutting down from ten a day to 'just' two. For a start, she is already a mother to a little boy so in my opinion she shouldn't really have been smoking in the first place, let alone that many a day, and secondly because she obviously hasn't tried that hard to have only got to that stage of the quitting process in several months!

Before I found out I was pregnant, I had been drinking quite a bit of alcohol (it was over Christmas and New Year and I went to a lot of parties). As soon as I found out, I stopped drinking entirely. Although Cameron was not planned, I knew I didn't want to put him at risk no matter what. I felt extremely guilty about the alcohol I had drunk in early pregnancy, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it by then but stop drinking anymore and fortunately, Cameron was perfectly healthy when he was born. Some people are saying that non smokers have no idea how hard it is to quit but I am sorry, I find this an unacceptable excuse. If you are willing to carry a child in you, you must be willing to do everything in your power to stop anything from harming thatg baby. If those who aren't even pregnant are able to find the willpower to quit then there is no excuse for a pregnant woman.

Some are saying that the only reason Stacey is being targeted is because she is in the public eye. In some ways this may be true, of course we would not be as interested if it were someone who we didn't 'know' as we do Stacey. However, I would feel exactly the same way if I were to see a heavily pregnant woman smoking regardless of whether she were famous or not. On top of this, Stacey should be setting a good example as she IS in the public eye, and she gave up her right to not be subject of this kind of discussion about her actions when she decided to go onto the X-Factor. Everyone knows that once you become a star of reality TV you give up your privacy. She wasn't complaining about invasion of privacy when she was photographed recently at the Baby Show and given huge amounts of free baby products was she?

What probably disgusts me the most from all of this is the women who have commented saying that they smoked during their pregnancies and they have perfectly healthy children so what's the problem? One woman on MAM's Facebook status this afternoon said this:

"I smoked during both of my pregnancys i no they say u shudnt but both of my children and there both in perfect health giv her a break it never causes a big issue when a non celeb does it" (sic).

At least Stacey has been on This Morning today saying that she knows she is wrong for smoking during pregnancy and that she is ashamed of herself. These women actually have no shame for what they have done, putting their childrens health at risk. I find it disgraceful that there are women like this who have children when others aren't able to have kids at all.

I'm sorry if I have offended any of my readers with this post but it is something I feel very strongly about. I will not change my opinions.

Topic Tuesday: To Work or Not to Work

I know straight off that this is a controversial topic and pretty much everybody has an opinion on it. What annoys me the most is that as someone who it actually affects first hand, people are so quick to judge and suggest solutions, without actually knowing the details.

As you may know, or have guessed, Cameron was an unplanned baby. The story surrounding the pregnancy and his birth is complicated to say the least, and yes it would have definitely been easier if I had not had him. But to me that was not an option. I was, however, determined to stay on at Uni, and even went back only two weeks after giving birth just so I didn't fall behind with my final year.

The last year of my degree was really hard, both mentally, physically and financially. Because I was receiving a student loan, this was considered a source of income, and meant I was not given the full amount of benefits. When I completed my degree in July of this year, I had already decided to take a few months out to spend time with Cameron which I had missed out on due to me degree. So, with this in mind, I took the steps to go onto 'full' benefits, and claimed income support.

This has been the worst experience of my life. The job centre make you feel like dirt, the people who you tell you are on benefits look at you like you are dirt, every penny you spend you get judged for. I would never have chosen to go on benefits if I had a proper choice. Now, I am desperate to get back into work, to have a proper job now I have graduated, but what are my chances? Times are bleak for everyone, but how am I meant to survive on a single income, needing to pay rent, bills and on top of that childcare for Cameron which will likely be in the hundreds each week? It is just such a ridiculous system where I am actually better off to stay on benefits than to try and get a job.

It is so unfair that I want to be working, but can't see how I would be able to afford to, and yet I get people thinking the worst of me, deciding I have no ambition, putting me in the same stereotypical category as others who have made no effort all of their lives. I can't stand it.

Judge me if you will, but at the end of the day, I have a degree, a son, and the drive and determination that will get me out of this situation just as soon as I can.

Topic Tuesday: The Yummy Mummy Debate

Yesterday NetMums' Facebook page put up a status asking the question of whether us mums made an effort with our makeup, and whether we would ever feel comfortable going without it. The response was pretty much 50/50 with half the mums being totally against wearing makeup, stating that it was bad for your skin and that they were either too happy in their own skin to wear it, or suggesting that there were more important things to be doing of a morning as a mum than applying 'slap'. The other half, myself included, were of the opinion that there was nothing wrong with taking care of your appearance despite being a mum, that we found the time to apply it as it is important to still feel confident and attractive, and that it doesn't harm anyone to enhance their natural beauty.

What annoyed me wasn't that other people disagreed with my opinion, that is always going to happen, but more the fact that there were other mums taking it upon themselves to judge my parenting skills because of the fact that I am one of the women who do wear makeup. Wearing makeup, and having my hair highlighted for that matter, do not detract away from my ability to be a good mother. Being a yummy mummy rather than a slummy mummy is not the huge crime some other mums would have you believe. I hate to use the word, but I do think that a lot of these women shunning those of us who wear makeup are simply jealous. It is not to say that mums who do not wear makeup are lesser women, that is of course their own decision. I am not here to judge other mums, just to defend those of us getting pulled up for wanting to hide our flaws and enhance our best features on a daily basis.

Me with my daily makeup on

Yes I wear foundation, concealer, powder, eyeliner and mascara. I wear lipgloss and blusher too, so sue me! It takes me all of five minutes in the morning to apply my makeup, another five minutes to take it off at night. That is hardly going to harm my child. He plays quietly, or is asleep whilst this is happening. Just because I wear makeup, have my hair looking nice and wear tight jeans, it doesn't mean that I am less of a mum than the woman next to me in the Supermarket wearing the stained baggy jeans and hoody with her hair tied up and not a scrap of makeup on. So think twice before you judge us Yummy Mummies. Believe it or not, we have feelings as well as a flawless face....

Topic Tuesday: The Breastfeeding in Public Debate

I forewarn my readers that I get VERY opinionated on this topic as it is so close to my heart, being a mother who breastfed.

The topic has come to light in the last couple of days due to managers at department store Debenhams's Oxford branch reportedly telling a breastfeeding mother, who was at the time feeding her four week old son, to stop what she was doing and move. This act is illegal. It is illegal to tell, or even ask a breastfeeding mother to move from a public place, whether this be a restaurant, a park or, as in this case, a department store. When the woman refused to move until her baby had finished feeding, a second manager was called over and again they told her to move. The woman again refused and stayed where she was until the baby finished his feed. She told the managers of her rights to feed in public, and requested an address to write a complaint to. The woman then took to Facebook and Netmums to discuss her experience, and a huge amount of people started talking about the incident.

There were a lot of angry attacks on the Debenhams Official Facebook page, and they did themselves no favours by at first trying to blame the incident on a 'faulty glass shelf' above where the woman had been sitting, which could have caused her and the baby harm. This cock and bull story was obviously met with a lot of anger as, if it were actually true, a lot of other people would have been in danger in the shop, including a lot of young babies and children who had sat in the same place.

Debenhams eventually conceeded and released a second statement saying that the incident was an isolated one, that they were very much behind breastfeeding in public and in their store, and that they would be looking into the matter, retraining their staff etc, as well as issuing an apology again to the woman in question. Understandably, this wasn't the end to it, especially as the previous statement had been shown to be a lie. There were no faulty shelves, this was their attempt to shut everybody up.

Most of the comments on the page were from people appalled at the behaviour of the managers at the Oxford branch, however, a lot of people came out of the woodwork to show that no wonder the breastfeeding figures are at an all time low when people still have ignorant views and opinions about how breastfeeding should be dealt with in public. A minority of people started saying that women should be made to hide away in tiny rooms, especially made for the purpose, when breastfeeding whilst out and about. A few women even said it 'offended' them to see women breastfeeding in the middle of a shop or a restaurant. I also saw people calling it 'exposing' yourself, when breastfeeding, and 'taking the piss' in reference to women stopping in the middle of a shop to feed her hungry child, rather than move away to a discreet corner somewhere to do it.

These views shocked and appalled me as women have every right to feed in public, it is a natural thing and I know from experience that when a baby is hungry, they need feeding right away. Many women stop breastfeeding, or don't even attempt it because of the views of some people, like those commenting yesterday. They feel dirty and embarrassed to be feeding their child, and therefore give up.

I am not one of those people who try and force other women to breastfeed, I found it really hard and I did in fact stop after four months, because I personally could no longer cope with it. However, I do think that if you can, you should attempt to feed your child at least for the first few days, as that is when you are producing the most nutririous milk, that will really help your child. I am so dissappointed that women are put off feeding due to ignorant, small minded opinions of a minotity of society.

I got very worked up yesterday with the women, slagging off other women for simply feeding their babies in public places. I used to feed Cameron walking along the road, discreetly of course, if he needed feeding urgently. I also fed him on numerous occasssions in departments stores, restaurants and in parks and play areas. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding in public, and to any women reading this who are pregnant or new mums, please don't let these small minded idiots put you off from feeding your child.

If you would like to check out the information about laws regarding breastfeeding in public then a useful link can be found here. If you wish to read up on the story I mentioned in the news then click here.

Topic Tuesday: What's Your Number?

There is a film out at the cinema at the moment called What's Your Number? It is about a girl who has slept with quite a few people and is worried, after reading a magazine article, that she could have met 'The One' and split up with him. So she goes back through her exes....

What I found interesting is the controversial topic of how high a person's number is and why people think it is ok to judge people based on the number of sexual partners they have had. Around 18 months ago I was involved in a debate on a magazine page which got out of hand, when a girl started calling those of us who had slept with a certain number of people names. Since then, I have made friends with the girl and have no hard feelings, but the subject is clearly a controversial one.

A lot of people seem to think it is ok to judge those of us who have had more than a handful of sexual partners in their time. Women are a lot worse of than men in this case, as men are often congratulated for having a high sexual number and given nicknames such as player and stud, whilst girls are given names such as slut, slapper and whore. I also believe that often men increase their number to sound cool, whilst girls often end up cutting their number to seem less like a 'slut', as this is what a lot of people think.

I am not about to go and tell you all my magic number. I do have some secrets left, and besides, my mum and my nan read this Blog! However, it is safe to say that I am in double figures. Don't be so quick to judge though, as you don't know the ins and outs of each and every relationship I have ever had. In fact, despite this number being considered relatively high for a girl in her early twenties, I have never once had a one night stand, I have always been safe, and reguarly get tested just in case, and I have been in a couple of long term relationships since I was 15. I have also been with barely anyone in the last two years, despite being single for 18 months.

People are so quick to judge and call people names but at the end of the day, life is for living, what does a number mean really? To me it means that I had fun in my teens, acted a bit wild and enjoyed myself. I am not ashamed for having slept with the amount of people I have slept with and I don't judge others who have slept with more people, or those who have only slept with one person, or are yet to sleep with anyone. It is a matter of personal opinion and one that should not be judged.

What is your opinion on having a high magic number? Would you be put off if someone you were dating had a higher number than you? Get involved and let me know your opinions below. (Personal attacks will not be tolerated, however, and comments of this nature will be deleted).

Topic Tuesday: Co-Sleeping with Babies

Before I start, I am not here to state that what I have done with Cameron is in any way the RIGHT way to do things, or that the opposite is the wrong way. However, I have often been told that the way Cameron slept in the early stages of his life would have a negative impact later on, which it hasn't, so I resent that, and felt the need to stand up for those who do co-sleep with their baby.

First of all, let me explain to those of you who may not know, what co-sleeping actually means. It is a phrase used for having your newborn/young baby in bed with you each night rather than having them sleep in a moses basket or cot. There are several reasons why people take this option, including cost, but for me, the reason was purely because I was absolutely terrified of cot death, which can be reduced with co-sleeping. I put him in a moses basket on the first night and within an hour had him in with me because I couldn't bear to have him away from me. Every few minutes I had been checking he was still breathing, and as a new mum, it was exhausting me. I kept him in bed with me right up until he was 11 months old, when I moved into my new flat. I would have moved him into his cot before then, but due to writing my dissertation, I was spending a lot of time over my mum's and so there wasn't a time when I would have been able to get him into a routine. Instead, I decided to just wait until we moved, sell the unused cot, and buy a toddler bed, and just put him straight into that.

When other mums realised I co-slept with Cameron, a lot of them told me that I would really struggle to ever get Cameron to sleep in his own bed as he would get used to sleeping with me, and be unable to settle alone. When the Health Visitor realised that I had him in with me, she was downright rude to me and bundled leaflet after leaflet onto me on controlled crying and the benefits of having a baby in a cot. I have always been strong willed though and having others imply I was doing something wrong just made me more determined to carry on with the way things had been working for me and Cameron.

After all the comments, I will admit I was a little concerned that Cameron might find it hard to settle when the time came for him to have his own bed, but the first night in the flat I bathed him and put him into his bed and he loved it. He fell asleep fine and stayed in the bed through the night and has been fine ever since. He has a proper bedtime routine now that he is no longer disturbed by me tapping away on my laptop.

I would suggest co-sleeping to any other new mum. It is much easier to feed a baby if they are in bed with you, the baby feels safe as they are close to you, and there is no chance of the baby becoming too cold in their cot, as they are warmed with your bodyheat. It also allows you as parents to become more in tune with the sleeping patterns of your baby, and to get a better nights sleep.

You should not, however, co-sleep with your baby if any of the following factors apply:

-You (or your partner) smoke
-You (or your partner) have been drinking or taking drugs (including medication that could make you extra sleepy)
-Are unusually tired
-Are unwell and therefore unable to attend to your baby in the night
-If your mattress is saggy or you sleep on a waterbed
-If your baby is likely to fall out of the bed, or become trapped between the mattress and the wall
-If there is a lack of space in the bed

Did you/are you co-sleeping with your baby? Or did you put your baby straight into a moses basket or a cot? How did your method work for you? If you aren't a parent yet, what do you think you would do? Get involved in the comments below!