Happy Easter!

My Easter break wasn't a huge success. Although I had a nice day off spent sleeping and shopping on Friday and a night spent doing a murder mystery with Ed and my family, Saturday I was back in work feeling unwell. 

Saturday evening was spent at 'the dogs' for the boxing social evening.

 It was a good night but I was still feeling a bit poorly and by early hours the next morning it had developed into full on tummy bug. 

So Easter Sunday for me was spent in the bathroom and then when I managed to make it out for our family lunch at a local pub I only managed half my dinner and I didn't get to eat my Easter eggs. Major sad face! 

Easter Monday I woke up feeling a little better, managed to do my food shopping and then we spent the afternoon at Upton Country Park, which was nice. There was a freak heat wave too which meant I almost got burnt in the sun and really wasn't dressed for the weather in jeans- boiling!

 I finished the day with an Easter egg hunt for the children, and I even felt well enough for some Easter egg of my own finally! 

Despite a few mishaps it was nice to spend time with family and have a bit of a rest before a very busy week at work. Happy Easter everyone! 

Healthy vs Unhealthy

I feel I am living a constant battle at the moment. I am aiming to lose some weight and tone up in time for my brother's wedding at the end of May and the start of Summer, but at the same time I love food, and wine, which makes things a little harder!

I have been generally eating healthier meals lately. Ed cut out carbs so a lot of our meals have been just meat and salad or veg, which is obviously better than some of the meals I used to eat in the past, but when I eat bad foods I tend to go overboard... These are a few of my good, and not so good, and downright awful things I have been eating lately...

Steak with Salad

This is what Ed and I will eat on a Tuesday after Boxing as it is very quick and simple and pretty good for us too. We use Caesar salad but I don't like the dressing so have it plain.
 
Hunters Chicken

This isn't too bad, depending on how it is cooked. I have also started replacing the baked potato with sweet potato, which makes it better for you. This is usually something I will put together on a Monday night as I won't have had work and it takes a little more effort than some of the dishes I make.

Lamb Steak

This is actually a creation of Ed's. He is a much better cook than I am and this had a pear and parsnip puree, which is something I wouldn't even know where to start on. It was very yummy. Ed is good at making me try new things.
 
Fried Egg & Bacon Sandwich

 

I never used to like eggs until recently when I started having scrambled egg on toast for breakfast. Unfotunately that then changed to fried egg sandwiches, which are my current breakfast obsession, which is not good and something I am trying to get out of doing. I don't usually include Bacon as well as Egg so it's not as bad as this... but still, not good!

Baked Sweet Potato with Cheese & Chilli Dressing

I actually saw this on another blog and fell in love. I used to eat baked potato with Cheese and Tuna before Boxing but it left me feeling a bit bloated and eurgh so I started swapping it for this and it makes me feel so much better.

Chocolate dipped Strawberries

Ok, onto the truly bad stuff. I am in love with Chocolate dipped strawberries, or just chocolate in general. I try to kid myself that having the strawberries makes it better for me, but it really doesn't. Oh so yummy though!

Pancakes with Chocolate Spread and Strawberries

 

Ok, so I have a confession to make. I am addicted to chocolate spread. It has to be Cadbury's own brand and it can be in pancakes with strawberries, or it can be straight from the jar. It is the main reason I am not losing any of the weight I planned to, and in fact am putting more on. Not. Good! (But so amazingly tasty)

My Old Friend is Back...

Ever have one of those days when you just feel like you can't go on? Today has been that kind of a day. I think the hardest thing is admitting you are finding things hard. I feel such pressure to be some sort of superwoman. I work a 40 hour week at work and on my days 'off' I go back to being full time mummy to my two children. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love spending time with them. It's just that sometimes, it would ne nice to actually stop and relax. I fear this post is turning into a moan.

 

I have come to the realisation just tonight, that the depression is back. As fellow sufferers will know, it never truly goes away entirely, just sits and waits for the next attack, which for me, is now. Those who have never suffered from depression may find it difficult to understand. I know some people will find it hard to see how I can feel depressed when I seem to have everything going for me. The fact that I have become incredibly good at faking a smile both in person, and through the power of the positive Facebook statuses, means that most people would think everything was just fine. And that's what I say if people ask. "I'm fine. Everything is fine". But it's not fine.

When I have depression it's like a great big dark blanket has come down over me, making it hard to see the positive things I have going on, making my mind focus only on the negatives, the what-ifs, the nagging doubts that just won't leave me. I have hugely low self esteem and care a lot more than I should about what other people think of me and these two things couple with depression, reducing me to an emotional wreck.  I can be coping one day and the next, feel like my entire world is collapsing around me. It's exhausting.

I went to the doctors today as I have been having dizzy spells and ended up in a&e last week with severe stomach pain. I was going to mention my low mood, and I did say the word emotional, but when the doctor wrote all my symptoms off as stress I didn't say anything. It's easier to just keep going and pretending that everything is as fine as I say it is. And despite my low self esteem, despite not feeling I can cope at times, I know deep down that I will, as I have done before. And I do have a lot to be thankful for in my life. I know I do, even in my darkest times, I can remember I have a loving family, amazing children and a boyfriend who tells me how much I meant to him every day.

So I'm hoping the power of determination to keep going will shine through. But for now, I plan on reading a trashy magazine with Friends playing in the background, trying to resist the chocolate I've hidden in the cupboard for emergencies (I need to stick to the diet)!

Project 365 #17 Baby it's Cold Outside...

My word, how freezing cold does it want to be?! As we are having problems with our heating in the new house me and Cameron are currently holed up in my bedroom. He's asleep and I'm under the covers eating yummy chocolate to distract myself from the cold!

Project 365 #11 Chocolate Fix

As you know, I'm about to move house and things are a bit stressful... This gave me the perfect excuse to sample the latest creation from Dairy Milk- the bubbly bar. My expectations were high, I mean, Aero is yummy! However, I just didn't really love this chocolate. It was too hard on the outside, not bubbly enough on the inside and just seemed a bit bland in taste. Still, chocolate is chocolate, and it definitely helped a bit! Have you tried the new chocolate? What did you think?

A Mini (Egg) Obsession

Ever since I saw someone on Facebook mention mini eggs I have had a craving for them so when I was shopping earlier today I had to pick up a bag and my word they are yummy.

It is a good thing my exercise class starts back tomorrow night or I might be massive by the end of the week!