Why being a mum is the loneliest job I'll ever have

I have a confession to make and it's one I am almost scared to make as I know some people will find it amusing and probably laugh at how sad I sound but oh well. It's true. I'm lonely. Completely and utterly lonely.

The truth is, since I've become a mum, I've lost almost all of my friends one way or another. I'm not hoping for sympathy here, I know it happens to lots of mums. Some friends no longer feel they have anything in common with me now I have children, some moved away, got jobs and started their own lives away from school, University etc. Some friendships were never that strong in the first place and were inevitably going to break down at some point.

What saddens me the most is that I have two friends who I considered to be my 'best friends', the ones you can tell anything to, who are more like sisters than friends. Over the last couple of years, even these stronger friendships have weakened and now, despite one of them having a baby herself, and the other only weeks away from becoming a mum as well, we barely even speak to each other anymore. One is living a couple of hours away and it is hard to find the money to visit and the other lives much closer but has a boyfriend who doesn't get on with me, which understandably makes it hard for her.

I feel sad that on my wedding day, when most people have had to choose between several friends to be bridesmaids, I will have no 'friends' up there with me. Don't get me wrong, I am truly happy with my two bridesmaids- my sister and my brother's fiancee. It would just be nice to have a bridesmaid there who could tell the guests stories from the past etc.

What worries me is that I've had depression in the past, and I had postnatal depression when I had Cameron so am likely to suffer from it again with Carly. Not having friends is hardly going to help matters.

I have quite a few 'online' friends. Girls that I have met on various fan pages, got talking to and been friends with ever since. But these friends, however lovely, all live across the UK, at least a couple of hours drive away, some even as far away as Scotland. I do have acouple of friends nearer to me, but they have busy lives, closer friends, and essentially, more important things in their lives than me. I need more friends here, in Bournemouth who I can actually spend time with.

Tim, who has lots of friends himself, doesn't see my lack of friend status as an issue. He has told me just to go out and find new friends, and I am trying. I thought that not going to mum and baby groups when I had Cameron was where I went wrong, so this time I have made a real effort to find and attend as many as possible. However, it seems that the done thing is to go to groups with a friend... which means that everyone there already have their own little groups to talk to.

I know I need to be more confident and approach the groups to talk to them, but I am quite shy usually and having just had baby number two, my self esteem is pretty much at rock bottom right now. I have gone to two baby groups this week and both of them have resulted in me sitting with Carly on my own, only being engaged in conversation when the centre staff have come over to talk to me (and to be honest, I think they are only doing so out of pity as I'm quite clearly on my own and looking quite pathetic).

I have come to the conclusion that I need to make friends and attend the groups with them... The only issue now is finding these friends....

 

 

 

 

Plans for March!

I haven't done one of these posts in a few months, but I thought I would this month as I actually have the next few weekends booked up.

9th March

Next weekend I am going to Essex to visit my dad and sister. It will be the first time my dad meets my boyfriend so I am a bit nervous about it but also excited as I haven't seen my sister in ages! We are staying a couple of nights and going back home on Sunday.

17th March

The weekend after we are going visiting again, this time to my boyfriend's parent's new house.

18th March

We will be coming back on the Sunday in time to celebrate Mother's Day with my mum and nan. It is my third Mother's Day as a mummy if you count the year I was pregnant (my second if you don't). I love being a mum so this is a special day for me. I also want to show how much I appreciate my own mum and everything she does for me.

23rd March

Me and Katie just after I had Cameron

My friend Katie was due to come and visit the first weekend of March but wasn't able to because of work so we are hoping she will be able to come this weekend instead. I don't see her often, but when I do we always have a great catch up and eat lots of yummy food.

27th March

My best friend's due date is today, but we think she will have the baby early. I am so excited for her and even more excited to find out the sex of the baby as she didn't find out (my guess is a girl).

31st March

I am going to Cornwall for a week with my family which will be nice. I am hoping to just be able to relax and have a nice time. I have been on holiday to Cornwall a lot in the past and it is a lovely place to stay.

Do you have exciting plans for March?

2011/2012 Challenge: Day 4: Something you’ve learned this year.

Something I have learned this year is who my true friends really are. This year has been quite a tough one for me, and the people that came through for me and actually seemed to genuinely care how I was feeling were not the people I would have necessarily thought. I've also learnt that there are some girls out there who still act like they are 13 years old and in a school playground, but that's a whole other blog post...

I have made a lot of 'internet' friends over the past couple of years, and I know some people find this hard to comprehend, that I am friends with people I have never even met in real life, but I consider these girls to be better friends than a lot of people I have know longer, grown up with, live closer to. These girls have been there for me through my pregnancy, birth, Cameron's first year, my graduation and are still there for me now I am feeling happier. I have been able to meet a few of them: Katie, Joanne, Mel and Frankie and hope to meet many more as soon as possible!

Me and Katie when I was pregnant

Of course this is not to say that my 'actual' friends haven't been there for me too, some of them have and I am eternally grateful to each and every friend who has been there for me.

I just feel that I need to say a big thank you to these girls for being amazing, and that I hope to meet the rest of you in 2012!!

Addicted to the Sims!

When I was younger I remember everyone being obsessed with the Sims game first on the PC, then on Playstation etc etc... I never once had it. I played on it once on a mobile a little while ago but didn't get into it and then suddenly it came to Facebook and since I got it I have become obsessed!

Yes, this may be a little sad... but I don't care! I have always loved being imaginative and having my little fantasy lives which I used to write stories about. Now I can do everything in virtual life from decorating my house to learning new skills and meeting and making friends. It is a little bit of harmless fun online and another way for me to relax after a tiring day. I will no doubt become bored of it before too long, but for now I may be a little less present blogging whilst I strive to achieve the best house on the block in Sims land....

Have you ever got sucked into the Sims? Are you playing Sims on Facebook?

10 Day Friend Challenge: Day 10: Your best friend

I didn't want to choose a best friend so instead I wanted to use this post to say how much I appreciate all of my friends, whether online or those I see all the time. I love you all!