40 Things that Make me Happy

As I have depression, I try and focus on things that make me happy as much as I can. Sometimes even the simplest things can help. I started this blog post with the title 25 things that make me happy and had to adapt it, as it turns out a lot of things actually make me happy...



1. My children

Possibly an obvious one, but my kids can help bring a smile to my face simply by giving me a hug or a kiss or telling me they love me. I am incredibly proud of both of them.

2. Being in a happy relationship

This is hugely important to my overall happiness. My boyfriend Ed can make me smile even when I'm at my lowest. He knows how to cheer me up and just being with him makes everything so much better.

3. Chocolate

Cliché but for me chocolate is definitely high up there in the happiness stakes. Especially Lindor!

4. Boxing

I only started at the beginning of the year, so I'm not very good at it yet, but I find boxing is an excellent way to relieve stress and get fit at the same time. It's even better now Ed has got me and my sister Megan pink gloves to use in class- perfect!

5. The Beach

I am so lucky to live so close to the beach. When I am really stressed or depressed, just a quick walk along the beach listening to the waves crash can help cheer me up. In Summer there's no need to leave town either as we have beautiful beaches on our doorstep.

6. Christmas

I absolutely adore Christmas. It is easily my most favourite time of year , made even more magical since having children. I start getting into the Christmas spirit at the start of November and I love buying and wrapping gifts for other people just as much as I enjoy opening my gifts on Christmas Day. I love the Christmas Dinner. I love the songs and the decorations, our family traditions and having time off work to spend with my loved ones. Just perfect. Counting down already, haha.

7. Disneyland Paris

This is my happy place. A very expensive happy place, but my happy place nonetheless. I have been a fair few times but I can't get enough of it and would love to go again as soon as possible. I have been to Florida once but still prefer the Paris one, if only cos I'm terrified of flying! Disneyland Paris in Winter when it snows just makes it even more magical though.

8. Breaking Bad

I've been watching this from the start again with Ed and we are halfway through series 3. I love it and am just as obsessed and addicted as I was first time round.

9. Cheesecake

My love for Cheesecake grows daily. I must stop eating it so much though as I have gained a lot of weight in the past year, largely due to my love of this delicious dessert.

10. Cupcakes

Not surprising I've been gaining weight as another thing that makes me happy is cupcakes. I fell in love with the Yule Log cupcake Tesco did this Christmas. Fortunately for my waistline, it was a seasonal product, but I manage to find new favourites often.

11. Bucket List

Completing stuff from my bucket list makes me happy, even if I am scared at the time. Lately I have done a zipwire from the Pier and ridden a horse for the first time.

12. Fajitas (and Mexican food in general)

I love Fajitas and would eat them in every restaurant I went to if given the chance. I also currently love Strawberry Margharitas, which works well being a Mexican cocktail. Win, win!

13. Days out with the kids

 

 

Being a family and going out, even if just to the park, feels extra special now I am working full time. I always try and do something with the children on a Sunday and I love making memories with them.

14. Dreams

I am a born planner and I love deciding what I want to do in the future. I will eventually get to New York haha.

15. Glitter

I am such a typical girl. I love Pink. I love glitter. Add them together and I would be in heaven.

16. Pretty Things

Following on from pink and glittery things, I am also a sucker for pretty gifts. I love my Pandora charm bracelet, which was most recently added to on Valentines day with a gorgeous charm from Ed.

17. Dressing Up

I love an excuse to dress up, whether it's to go to a party or for a themed Murder Mystery night... I just love making the effort to look nice.

18. Family time

I love spending time with my family. We are very close and I feel I have a proper support network.


19. Friends (The TV show)

Friends never fails to cheer me up (apart from the episode where Ross & Rachel split up, that's just horrible and makes me sad). I turn to it when I am down, lonely or unwell.

20. Seeing the children Smile

This can instantly brighten up my day

21. Pizza

I love Pizza. A little too much... See comment above regarding weight gain and understand why...

22. Romance

I understand that girls are generally more romantic than boys. I am lucky to be with someone who is romantic. It doesn't have to be huge gestures, the little things really count. The surprise horse riding was pretty bloody amazing though. Just saying...

23. Prosecco

I never really drank this until my soon to be sister-in-law got me onto it and now it is my drink of choice on a night out. Not everywhere does it by the glass though, and I'm not quite rich enough to be buying it by the bottle so for these times I fall back to my good old friend Rose wine.

24. Selfies

I am the queen of selfies. I take them all the time. My iPhone camera roll is basically made up entirely of selfies. That and photos of my food... I'm not even ashamed.

25. Snow

I love snow. Unfortunately we rarely get any down south. This was taken on the one day this year that it has snowed, and it had cleared by lunchtime....

26. Sunday Lunch

I am a sucker for a good sunday lunch. I hate carverys though and much prefer either home cooked or a nice country pub lunch.

27. Sister

My sister and I weren't always close as there's quite a big age gap but in the last couple of years we have become much closer and I see her as one of my best friends. I am lucky to have her.

28. Sunny Holidays

I need another one of these soon! I love getting away from everything and having a cocktail somewhere hot and sunny. I really want to go to a Greek island next, and the Maldives, but may have to wait for a lottery win for that one.


29. Friends

I will admit, I don't have a lot of these. And some of the ones I do have are far away. I am lucky enough to have a 'work bestie' though who I have had some amazing times with in the past few months.

30. Sunrise

Self explanatory really.

31. Sunset

As above.

32. Tattoos

I love my tattoos. They all mean something to me. I do want more but I will stop after a couple more as although I have nothing against tattoos all over women, it is not something for me.

33. Winter Wonderland

Another happy place of mine. It's like Christmas all in one park. Love it!

34. Takeaway

I don't tend to have a lot of takeaways, fortunately or I would be the size of a house, but I love a good Indian when I am feeling low or lazy, or both. Perfect with a film and the boyfriend by my side.

35. Quotes

You may have already noticed this, but I love a good quote. I tend to find a lot that mean something to me. Sometimes I use quotes to let people know how I'm feeling as well.

36. Modelling

I used to model a fair bit and I loved it. Really want to get back into it as it made me smile.

37. Music

Music really can do the above. I love a good sing along to my favourite songs. Especially the Frozen soundtrack in my car. There is nothing that can't be fixed by a good sing along to Let it Go!

38. Fresh Bedding

I don't get round to putting fresh sheets on nearly enough. I love the feel of them and the smell of them. Everything just feels better when your sheets are fresh!

39. Easter Egg

I don't know what it is about Easter Eggs that somehow make chocolate taste even nicer... but they do... and I love them. Only had one so far this year, I need more!

40. Baking

I'm not brilliant at it, but I love to bake. It relaxes me and who doesn't love eating yummy homemade baked things?

My Bucket List!

Ok, so you may remember a few posts ago I mentioned my Bucket List. I haven't got round to posting it yet and to be honest, it wasn't entirely made up by me, it was taken from a few other people's lists I found online. But all the things on the list are things I would like to try. Some of the things are small, some big, some will take a lot of planning and/or money and some are almost impossible and may take a lot to actually pull off. A couple of them I have done since making the list but I wanted to keep them in.

I plan to do as many things on the list as possible and I would love to finish this year having made a good dent in the list. I plan to blog each time I cross something off the list, as a way of keeping a proper record of my achievements.

My Bucket List:

 

 

Go to New York in December

Go to Santorini or another Greek island

Explore abroad and the uk with children

Go on a hot air balloon

Bungee jump

Go on holiday to the Maldives

Buy a house

Go on a cruise

Write a novel

Be an extra in a film

Try out surfing

Ride a camel

Ride on a horse

Drastic hair cut/colour

Be a tourist in your own city

Spend the day at a spa

Go on a ghost hunt

Do 50 random acts of kindness

Take a flying lesson or discovery flight

Watch a sunrise and sunset in the same day

Try foods I've never tried before

Ride a skateboard

Sing karaoke in public

Feed animals at the zoo

Order room service

Ride in a canoe and/or kayak

Throw someone a surprise party

Ice skate

Roller blade

Ride a segway

Name a star

Bake cookies for your neighbors, co-workers, etc

Take a cooking lesson

Learn to make one really nice meal from scratch

Shoot a gun

Shoot a bow and arrow

Write letters to 5 people who positively influenced you

Host a dinner party

Take a bubblebath by candlelight with champagne

Wish upon a star

Play the lotto

Climb a rock wall

Climb a tree

Send postcards from your home city

Play golf

Build a snowman

Meditate

Make and bury a time capsule

Write your will

Host a scavenger hunt

Take the scenic route

Ride in a limo

Get a caricature done of yourself

Get hypnotized

Play darts

Play pool

Bet on a horse or dog race

Play poker

Donate blood

Learn a dance

Make spaghetti sauce from scratch

Ban negativity from your life

Slide down a waterslide

Ride a rollercoaster

Carve a pumpkin

Be passionate about a worthy cause

Be someone's biggest fan

Plant a tree

Paint a room

Host a theme party

Attach notes to balloons and release them

Get a tan

Go camping

Get something else pierced

Get another tattoo

Get something besides your eyebrows waxed

Make something out of clay

Make homemade ice cream

Go to the opera

Release sky lanterns

Read a classic novel

Take a day trip someplace new

Learn to make a good mixed drink

Hire a maid for a least one day

Research your family tree

Ask your elders to write down their stories for you, or write them down for them 

Write your stories down for future generations

Attend a professional sports game

Do a wine tasting

Eat at a fancy restaurant

Eat with chopsticks

Write down your dreams for at least one week

Try to juggle

BBQ with charcoal

Buy something for a stranger off their wish list/registry

Leave an inspirational message on a sticky note in a bathroom or public place

Write to a celebrity

Be a pen pal

Complete a crossword puzzle without cheating

Sleep under the stars

Try to break a world record

Study a foreign language

Send someone flowers, just because

Continue your education

Complete a couch to 5k challenge

Try 10 new restaurants

Go to another festival

Take an art class

Watch a movie outdoors

Take a hike

Picnic in the park

Do something that completely terrifies you

Learn to love yourself

Choose different pizza toppings

Make and decorate gingerbread men #

Bake homemade bread

Win something

Tie a tie

Learn to play something on the piano and/or guitar

Master the art of self confidence

Hand write letters to your friends and mail them

Have nice undergarments

Take a great picture, print it, frame it and hang it on the wall

Feed the ducks

Spend the day at the beach or lake

Completely plan your dream home down to the fine details

Play truth or dare

Follow people who inspire you on Twitter and/or Facebook

Learn the origins of the holidays you celebrate

Hold the door open for strangers

Join a club or team

Shop at a flea market, swap meet or garage sale

Start a collection

Write a note and leave it in a library book

Walk in the rain

Fast for a few days

Start a retirement fund

Eat something really crazy

Have the restaurant staff sing to you for your birthday

Learn self defense

Learn 5 or more yoga poses

Start a scrapbook with mementos and souvenirs

Stay in a bed and breakfast

Play relaxing sounds or music as you sleep

Nap in a hammock

Write a list of everything you're grateful for

Buy something from an auction

Toast to something with champagne

Get a book signed by the author

Do a 365 day photo project

Try 25 new recipes

Order something different off the menu

Visit a farmer's market

Send a post card to Post Secret

Go bike riding

Beat a video game

Put together a 1,000 piece puzzle

Play Rock Band/Guitar Hero

Spend the day watching cartoons

Go surfing, sledding or 4-wheeling

Have professional pictures taken

Start watching a tv show you've never seen before

Try a new hairstyle

Watch a car race

Have an emergency fund

Buy a word of the day calendar and learn a new word every day

Find the coolest thing in your city and photograph it

Take a photo from a skyscraper or tallest building you can find

Give someone else a massage

Watch a movie marathon

Pick your own fruit

Take a photography class

Watch a documentary

Write a letter for future generations to read

Write a letter to yourself to open in 10 years

Forgive others

Forgive yourself

Have a hot stone massage

Ride in a horse drawn carriage

Try 10 new fruits/berries/veggies

Try juicing or make smoothies

Get lost on purpose

Have a water balloon/water gun fight

Know what you like and not be afraid to articulate it

Do a home repair project yourself

Learn basic car maintenance

Be interviewed on video

Build and fly a kite

Find the event calendar for your city, or a bigger city nearby, and make note of the fun stuff coming up you can do. Set reminders to do them!

Take a morning jog

Say YES more often

Say NO more often

Haggle

Go a full day without spending any money

Eat nothing but fresh food for a week

Make a blessings jar

Go mirrorless for a day

Sit in a sauna

Find someone with your same name

Do a cleanse

Bake a cake

Write to your hero

Start a gratitude journal

Make something out of paper mache

Apologize

Get to know your neighbors

Give up TV for a week

Go commando

Make fresh squeezed juice

Get someone to help you pick out new clothes

Get properly fitted for clothes/bra/etc

Delete your social media profiles for at least a week

Go on evening walks

Get a facial

Host a games night

Ask for a raise

Compliment 20+ people in one day

Read 100 of the greatest books ever written

 

 

Wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

Feeling Poorly

Ever have one of those days where you just feel absolutely awful? Like your whole body aches and the closest thing you can liken it to is being hit by a bus? That's how I have felt since yesterday. It hurts to look at lights, it hurts to move, it hurts to even think, if that's even possible. I feel exhausted all the time. In fact, it got so bad today that I had to go home early from work. I never do that. I hate having time off. I hate feeling like I've dropped the ball. Having worked from home and been a stay at home mum before you would think I would cherish time at home now I am working full time but no, I feel I am doing something wrong when I very rarely take the day off. I also find it incredibly hard to switch off. I had to force myself to go to bed and sleep for a few hours when I got in and in the end I still did packed lunches and washing up this afternoon. I know that if I don't rest properly and allow myself to get better then I will end up feeling just as bad when I am back in work, but somehow I can't quite let myself fully stop. I didn't even want to miss my boxing class tonight but I did and am currently curled up in bed watching Friends on repeat with tangerines to top up my Vitamin C.

Hopefully I will be feeling better soon as I am awful at being poorly!

Feeling Lucky

It's never going to be easy to start a relationship with someone who already has children from previous relationships. Ed also hasn't had very much experience with children before and so was understandably pretty nervous when it came to first meeting my children. I was nervous too. What if they didn't get on with him, what if he found he couldn't cope.

I needn't have worried. The children loved him from the first meeting and he is amazing with them, even better than me at times!

I couldn't be happier right now- depression, which I know is a chemical imbalance in my brain more than anything else, aside. Ed is brilliant with the children and we are all very lucky to have him around.

The Perfect Day

So, yet again I've been awful at maintaining the blog. The main issue is that I love to write but I just don't have the time to at the moment. Working full time alongside being a mummy and having now taken up Thai boxing, fitting classes in twice a week, it's just not possible to blog as much as I would like to.

Things have been pretty hectic since I last posted. Work got majorly busy and my depression got worse. I have spoken to the doctor and been put on a waiting list for counselling again so hopefully that won't end up being too long. Valentines day this year was something I was looking forward to but also worried about a bit. As it turned out, I had the most perfect day and it was all down to my amazing boyfriend, Ed.

The day started with a long lie in, which was such a luxury as with work and/or the kids I never get out of bed later than 8am usually. We exchanged cards and gifts. Ed had bought me a gorgeous Pandora charm, which I love.

 Ed went to get breakfast and we had bacon, sausage and egg baps followed by a chocolate covered donut- delicious. After breakfast I stayed in bed some more before finally getting my lazy bum up and getting ready to go. Ed had told me we were going for a 'romantic walk' and to put on shoes I could get dirty.

We drove over to Swanage before turning up at a stables where Ed had booked a surprise horse riding session for us as it was something that was on my bucket list! I was totally shocked. I don't usually handle surprises well, or I tend to guess what's going on so it was pretty amazing to have something like this arranged. I was so happy, I couldn't stop smiling. All the way round the walk I was beaming, even if I was a little terrified when I first got on the horse. It was perfect and I felt free and relaxed for the first time in a long time.

After we had finished at the stables we went down to the beach and had a lovely little walk in the sand.

We got the ferry back across to Poole and, after a quick stop at Tesco's for some alcohol and dessert for later, we went back to get ready for our meal. We went to a Mexican restaurant and had some really yummy food, although I ordered too much and ended up feeling incredibly full I also had a couple of pretty delicious Strawberry Margaritas- adult slush puppies at their best!

It was freezing outside so instead of going for a drink after dinner we just went home and had the dessert and Prosecco before snuggling up in front of the TV.

It was the best Valentines and reminded me how lucky I was to have found someone I feel so right with amidst all the crazy things in life. Life is short. It should be spent with the people you love.

My Old Friend is Back...

Ever have one of those days when you just feel like you can't go on? Today has been that kind of a day. I think the hardest thing is admitting you are finding things hard. I feel such pressure to be some sort of superwoman. I work a 40 hour week at work and on my days 'off' I go back to being full time mummy to my two children. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love spending time with them. It's just that sometimes, it would ne nice to actually stop and relax. I fear this post is turning into a moan.

 

I have come to the realisation just tonight, that the depression is back. As fellow sufferers will know, it never truly goes away entirely, just sits and waits for the next attack, which for me, is now. Those who have never suffered from depression may find it difficult to understand. I know some people will find it hard to see how I can feel depressed when I seem to have everything going for me. The fact that I have become incredibly good at faking a smile both in person, and through the power of the positive Facebook statuses, means that most people would think everything was just fine. And that's what I say if people ask. "I'm fine. Everything is fine". But it's not fine.

When I have depression it's like a great big dark blanket has come down over me, making it hard to see the positive things I have going on, making my mind focus only on the negatives, the what-ifs, the nagging doubts that just won't leave me. I have hugely low self esteem and care a lot more than I should about what other people think of me and these two things couple with depression, reducing me to an emotional wreck.  I can be coping one day and the next, feel like my entire world is collapsing around me. It's exhausting.

I went to the doctors today as I have been having dizzy spells and ended up in a&e last week with severe stomach pain. I was going to mention my low mood, and I did say the word emotional, but when the doctor wrote all my symptoms off as stress I didn't say anything. It's easier to just keep going and pretending that everything is as fine as I say it is. And despite my low self esteem, despite not feeling I can cope at times, I know deep down that I will, as I have done before. And I do have a lot to be thankful for in my life. I know I do, even in my darkest times, I can remember I have a loving family, amazing children and a boyfriend who tells me how much I meant to him every day.

So I'm hoping the power of determination to keep going will shine through. But for now, I plan on reading a trashy magazine with Friends playing in the background, trying to resist the chocolate I've hidden in the cupboard for emergencies (I need to stick to the diet)!

Hello 2015

I don't know if you know, but 2014 was a bit of a rollercoaster ride of emotions for me. By the time December rolled round, with all the changes over the past few weeks, I was more than ready for a fresh start and, with the New Year just around the corner, a time made for new beginnings, I was in luck.

2015 is a new start for me and my wonderful boyfriend Ed

I had planned on starting the new year seeing it in with a glass of the fizzy stuff and my boyfriend Ed by my side for a festive midnight kiss. As always with me, things didn't quite go to plan when we went to a party and I drank a little too much, a little too quickly and subsequently, instead of the romantic kiss, what Ed got was a passed out girlfriend and sleep before the clocks chimed. Bit of a disaster....

Drinking before even getting to the party is never a clever idea...

From the very next day I was determined to make 2015 a better year and went in guns blazing declaring I would be eating nothing but salads and not touching a drop of alcohol for the entire month. I lasted a grand total of 4 days. It's not that I couldn't do it, if I tried, it's that the lonnnnnng month of January is a hard enough time as it is, but when you add the life changes I am currently experiencing into the equation, you're looking at a breakdown waiting to happen and a few glasses of wine might just take the edge off it all.

Don't get me wrong, things are happening the way I want them to. In fact, I am the happiest I have ever been. But no matter how much better my life is now, it is always a little sad to admit you made a mistake and things didn't work out. I hope that in a few weeks time when everything is final, that I can really move on in my life with Ed and my children. I am fortunate enough to have a loving and supportive family, and a couple of close friends who have stood by me no matter what. For these people, I am eternally grateful.

My sister has been my rock throughout the past few months

My life has never followed the path I used to want it to. I have often been envious of those people who managed to do things the 'right' way. But recently I have come to realise that actually, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way. Life is too short to worry about the choices we are making. Yes, I made some along the way, but everything that has happened has happened for a reason and led me to where I am now, which, in case I didn't already mention, is the happiest I've ever been. So yes, I will conclude this rather rambling post with one of my favourite lines from the soundtrack to my all tine favourite Disney film, the magnificent Frozen....

 

"I know I left a life behind but I'm too relived to grieve.... Let it go"

 

2015 will be the year I finally manage to do just that and leave the past where it belongs in the past, allowing me to move on and into a brighter future for me, Ed and my two beautiful children.

Instead of unrealistic expectations or the promise of a new year, new me, this year I have gone for some sensible attitude changes in key areas of my life..

-I will have a healthier relationship with food, exercise and my body image.

-I will have more patience with people, especially as a mother.

-I will aim to spend less time on my phone and more time in the present. I will be more motivated and confident, using my bucket list as a way to force myself out of my comfort zone.

In short, I will use the fresh start to keep myself as me, only better.


Happy New Year everyone!

The importance of being happy

If I have learnt one thing this rather eventful year it is that life is short. Really short. It is too short to be unhappy. To stay unhappy because it's considered the 'right' thing to do. I chose to be happy. Perhaps a selfish decision but one I don't regret. With all my past history of depression, I haven't been truly happy a lot in my life. I am happy now. I'm smiling. Not just for photos or when someone tells me to. But actually can'ttakethesmile offmyface all the time smiling. It feels good. 

I'm going into 2015 with a huge smile on my face and the determination to live life in the moment. Every day is a blessing.

Hello Stranger...

Well I have no idea who the audience for this blog is anymore or whether anyone even reads it, other than a small indication from the page stats that at least some people are clicking through from various weird and wonderful search terms (pregnant in leggings anyone?).... So much has changed since my last post that rather than dwelling on the negatives, I thought I would just start afresh with an introducing myself blog post. If you have read my previous posts then please ignore everything you read, it is probably no longer relevant.... 

My latest tattoo and mantra in life 

So here goes.... I'm Emma-Louise and I live on the beautiful South Coast with my two lovely but lively children who are four and two years old. My journey to this point has been at times rather hectic and some of the things that have happened have made for some stressful periods (but provided brilliant subject matter for this blog!). I work full time at a local hotel where I am Wedding & Events Coordinator, it's my dream job and I love it. 

As well as working and being a mum, in any spare time I get, lately I have been trying to get out of my comfort zone as my (somewhat early) New Year's resolution is to try new things and complete some of my 'bucket list'. 

Having only started a few weeks ago, so far I have done fairly well having been harnessed onto a zip wire that took me from the end of the pier to the beach as part of a charity event for work and attending a gig of a band that was definitely not 'me'. Both things made me hugely nervous beforehand but I actually really enjoyed myself. I am looking forward to trying lots of other new things in 2015. 

So if you fancy reading more about my vaguely interesting life then watch this space... 

Shellac- the cure for nail biters?

So, as you all know, it is my wedding in just a couple of weeks....Back in November I decided I didn't want to have to rely on the 'fake nails' and have acrylics on my wedding day so I set about trying to get my nails, which I have bitten since I was a little girl, to grow long enough to look feminine and pretty on my wedding day.

Since then I have had 3 lots of Shellac done and my nails are looking brilliant! They aren't really long, but that wouldn't be practical for me anyway as a mum of two young children and someone who types a lot day to day. I was a bit sceptical when I heard that a nail polish could help you stop biting your nails but it really does work. I think the main thing is that Shellac looks so lovely, you don't want to bite your nails and ruin the prettiness. Plus Shellac isn't too cheap, so I knew I would be wasting my money if I were to bite.

Whatever the case, I am really pleased and proud of myself for managing to keep up not biting my nails and I am really happy that I will be having my own nails with shellac and nail art for my wedding!

I bought the Sensationail kit for myself in the sales so I will be using that after the wedding to keep up my pretty nails at a lower cost than going to the salon every few weeks so no doubt there will be a future post/review on that soon.

Have you had Shellac nails done before? Are you a convert?