Feeling Poorly

Ever have one of those days where you just feel absolutely awful? Like your whole body aches and the closest thing you can liken it to is being hit by a bus? That's how I have felt since yesterday. It hurts to look at lights, it hurts to move, it hurts to even think, if that's even possible. I feel exhausted all the time. In fact, it got so bad today that I had to go home early from work. I never do that. I hate having time off. I hate feeling like I've dropped the ball. Having worked from home and been a stay at home mum before you would think I would cherish time at home now I am working full time but no, I feel I am doing something wrong when I very rarely take the day off. I also find it incredibly hard to switch off. I had to force myself to go to bed and sleep for a few hours when I got in and in the end I still did packed lunches and washing up this afternoon. I know that if I don't rest properly and allow myself to get better then I will end up feeling just as bad when I am back in work, but somehow I can't quite let myself fully stop. I didn't even want to miss my boxing class tonight but I did and am currently curled up in bed watching Friends on repeat with tangerines to top up my Vitamin C.

Hopefully I will be feeling better soon as I am awful at being poorly!

What Would You Like to Be When You Grow Up?

"What would you like to be when you grow up?" It's a question often asked when you are a child and you don't often really know what you really want to be and most of the time, when answering, you will have chosen something that looks the most fun. Perhaps a fireman or a doctor. Most people don't go on to become what they 'wanted' to be as a child, whether it was an unrealistic dream or just because their likes and ambitions changed as they grew up.



My 18th Birthday party- theme was
 'what you wanted to be when you were seven'

For my 18th birthday party I held a fancy dress party with the theme 'what you wanted to be when you were seven'. The outfits ranged from serious to hilarious (somehow we had two girls who wanted to be ladybirds)! I went as a celebrity. I wanted to be lots of things when I was that age. One being a teacher, another a secretary and being famous was also quite high up there.

I think my main issue, which I have realised recently through counselling for PND, is that whereas most people leave this indecisiveness behind when they reach adulthood, I still want to do lots of things, to be lots of things and this makes it hard to focus on any one thing I set my hand to.

I love working, but right now I am unable to put the time and effort I need to into my business

Last week I had to make the difficult decision of taking a break from my events business. I was already finding it increasingly difficult to work around a very mobile Carly, but when Cameron's childcare also fell through, I realised that working around both kids week in, week out, would be near impossible and not fair on me or the kids to put us under that pressure. It has been hard as I want to be able to work, but at the same time, I am unable to afford childcare for them both in order for me to put in the time and effort the business needs. It's almost like having three kids, and unfortunately it has meant having to put the needs of the business to the back of my mind for the time being.

In the past, blogging has led to opportunities such as writing for More Magazine
and taking part in their Superfan issue

The positives to have come out of this is that I have been freed up to have a think about what my other passions are, apart from events. I have rediscovered my love of blogging, and when talking to my counsellor, I have realised that writing is what makes me happiest. I have been looking into freelance journalism and also rethinking about books that I have started writing in the past. Writing is something I love and can be slotted in to my life with relative ease.

Modelling has always been something I have loved

 

I have also set up a modelling page. As a natural born poser, I love being in front of the camera and I have really enjoyed taking part in photo shoots in the past. I wouldn't want to model full time as a career, but this is definitely something I am looking into doing in my spare time.

Ultimately, being a mum and doing things that make me happy
are what's important right now when battling with PND

As someone who has struggled in the past to come up with hobbies on my CV I am determined to understand what makes me happy outside of work and the kids, and I think these two things are definitely a good start. Ultimately being happy is most important right now in battling my PND so I am going to enjoy my break from the business by spending time with my kids, writing and modelling as well as looking at the positives in life. Life is too short not to spend it doing what makes you happy!

And who knows, this break might even help me finally come up with the answer to that all important question- "What do I want to be when I grow up?"

Hello again...

Yes.... I have finally decided to put pen to paper (well, fingers to keyboard) and write in my badly neglected blog once more. I stopped before because I'd lost the blogging spark and nothing I wrote made me proud. It became a chore to post blogs for me and that is not the idea with blogging. So, although I am back for now, I am making no promises to be back for good. We'll see how it goes...

So, in the world of Emma-Louise, a lot has changed since I last blogged! Carly is almost 6 months (scary how fast time passes!) and Cameron is now fast approaching his 3rd birthday (also scary, but I'll be pleased to leave the terrible twos!). Tim and I are just weeks away from completion on our very first home together- a 2 bedroom flat nearby- I can't wait! And last but not least, in April I finally bit the proverbial bullet and started up my own business- Emma Louise Events. I am really proud of myself and grateful for all the support I've had from family, friends and local businesses since the launch.

I couldn't be happier with how things are going in life at the moment and am looking forward to a lot right now! 

With the wedding plans, not much more can be done at the moment as there's just things to sort nearer the time now. Tim has been left in charge of the suits and is apparently on his way there having found one he loves last weekend. It is now only 9 months until the big day and I know that the time will fly past now with so much else going on in our lives. 

I turned 24 last week and feel incredibly old now (though I know it isn't that old and I have achieved a lot in that time anyway with two kids, a business, a flat and a fiancé!). In my usual style I managed to drag it out over the week and celebrated with not one, not two, but three birthday meals which has meant I am back on the wedding dress body plan as of today (one of my birthday presents to myself was a slendertone- I'm serious about getting rid of my mum tum this time round)! 

Talking of exercise, I am also running race for life this year. I did my first practise run last week and did it in 35 minutes, not too bad for someone who hasn't run since primary school! I am going again tonight and aiming for 30 minutes. If you are able to sponsor me, I am part of the Work it Baby team and would be hugely grateful- http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/workitbaby/eurl.axd/c96dc30692d76949b62f78f25d347be5 I lost my grandad to cancer as a child so it is a cause close to my heart. 

I have been taking Carly to swimming lessons with Turtle Tots, which she has really enjoyed, watch out for a blog post on it soon. I want to take her to baby ballet in the next few months as I think it's important to do activities with the kids. I will be encouraging Tim to take Cameron to football too as he loves being outside and playing with other children, something he fortunately gets through nursery. 

Carly's Christening was a couple of weeks ago and went really well, it was a lovely afternoon spent with close friends and family celebrating our gorgeous baby girl. We went to the Hallmark Hotel after the church for a small reception with cupcakes and canapés which was great. 

Well I think that's about all for now but I have some posts brewing in my head so lookout for another post soon.