The importance of being happy

If I have learnt one thing this rather eventful year it is that life is short. Really short. It is too short to be unhappy. To stay unhappy because it's considered the 'right' thing to do. I chose to be happy. Perhaps a selfish decision but one I don't regret. With all my past history of depression, I haven't been truly happy a lot in my life. I am happy now. I'm smiling. Not just for photos or when someone tells me to. But actually can'ttakethesmile offmyface all the time smiling. It feels good. 

I'm going into 2015 with a huge smile on my face and the determination to live life in the moment. Every day is a blessing.

Hello Stranger...

Well I have no idea who the audience for this blog is anymore or whether anyone even reads it, other than a small indication from the page stats that at least some people are clicking through from various weird and wonderful search terms (pregnant in leggings anyone?).... So much has changed since my last post that rather than dwelling on the negatives, I thought I would just start afresh with an introducing myself blog post. If you have read my previous posts then please ignore everything you read, it is probably no longer relevant.... 

My latest tattoo and mantra in life 

So here goes.... I'm Emma-Louise and I live on the beautiful South Coast with my two lovely but lively children who are four and two years old. My journey to this point has been at times rather hectic and some of the things that have happened have made for some stressful periods (but provided brilliant subject matter for this blog!). I work full time at a local hotel where I am Wedding & Events Coordinator, it's my dream job and I love it. 

As well as working and being a mum, in any spare time I get, lately I have been trying to get out of my comfort zone as my (somewhat early) New Year's resolution is to try new things and complete some of my 'bucket list'. 

Having only started a few weeks ago, so far I have done fairly well having been harnessed onto a zip wire that took me from the end of the pier to the beach as part of a charity event for work and attending a gig of a band that was definitely not 'me'. Both things made me hugely nervous beforehand but I actually really enjoyed myself. I am looking forward to trying lots of other new things in 2015. 

So if you fancy reading more about my vaguely interesting life then watch this space... 

Shellac- the cure for nail biters?

So, as you all know, it is my wedding in just a couple of weeks....Back in November I decided I didn't want to have to rely on the 'fake nails' and have acrylics on my wedding day so I set about trying to get my nails, which I have bitten since I was a little girl, to grow long enough to look feminine and pretty on my wedding day.

Since then I have had 3 lots of Shellac done and my nails are looking brilliant! They aren't really long, but that wouldn't be practical for me anyway as a mum of two young children and someone who types a lot day to day. I was a bit sceptical when I heard that a nail polish could help you stop biting your nails but it really does work. I think the main thing is that Shellac looks so lovely, you don't want to bite your nails and ruin the prettiness. Plus Shellac isn't too cheap, so I knew I would be wasting my money if I were to bite.

Whatever the case, I am really pleased and proud of myself for managing to keep up not biting my nails and I am really happy that I will be having my own nails with shellac and nail art for my wedding!

I bought the Sensationail kit for myself in the sales so I will be using that after the wedding to keep up my pretty nails at a lower cost than going to the salon every few weeks so no doubt there will be a future post/review on that soon.

Have you had Shellac nails done before? Are you a convert?

Christmas Plans!

I make no secret of it, this is my absolute favourite time of year! This year is even more special as Cameron understands so much more now and is really excited for Christmas day! I cannot wait to see his little face on Christmas morning when he opens up his presents. Carly doesn't really understand what is going on just yet but she does love the pretty Christmas tree and playing with the wrapping paper!

And it isn't just about the material things, I am equally as excited to share some Christmas day traditions of our family with the kids. This is how we spend Christma...

On Christmas Eve we will usually attend a church service with the children, have dinner and a Christmas film and then let the children open their Christmas Eve presents of a pair of pjs before setting out the snacks for Santa and putting them to bed. This year my mum, nan and I will be going to midnight mass at the church me and Tim are getting married in, whilst Tim stays at home and looks after the children.

Our Christmas Day:

8.30am approx:

                                          Wake up to bacon sandwiches and Bucks Fizz

9am:

                                                                           Presents

10am:

                                                                           Cooking

11.30am:

                                         Walk along the beach to visit my Granddad's bench

1pm:

                                             Cooking whilst Christmas TV or a film is on (plus more presents)

2.30pm:

                                                               Christmas Lunch

3pm:

                                                            Queen's Speech for my nan

4pm:

Usually at this time we would be laid on the settee feeling full or playing with the kid's presents, this year my dad and sister are staying in a hotel in Bournemouth so we will probably be seeing them at some point in the afternoon.

7pm:

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without some traditional Christmas TV. Even though me and my mum don't watch Eastenders regularly, we always end up watching it over the Christmas period. I also love watching the reruns of things like the Gavin and Stacey Christmas episodes and the Vicar of Dibley episode where she has all the Christmas Dinners.

 

8pm:

 

In the evening we usually just have some snack food like sausage rolls, turkey sandwiches and crisps. And some more Bucks Fizz or wine too...

Boxing day is spent sales shopping and meeting up with family. My mum also loves having left over turkey with chips!

Do you have any Christmas traditions in your family? I'd love to hear about them in the comments!

All I Want for Christmas...

Rather than bore you with my actual Christmas Wish List, filled with lots of pink and girly things, I thought instead I would share with you my 'fantasy wish list'...

A full nights sleep....

With two toddlers, sleep is a distant memory for me and Tim... Carly used to sleep through the night but ever since she started getting teeth, she has become unsettled in the night again. Cameron has never been a good sleeper, and the both of them together are leaving me exhausted!

Kate Moss' Body

Ever since I saw the photos of Kate Moss for Playboy recently I have wanted her body! How she looks this good at her age I don't know, but I would trade bodies in an instant!

The ability to stop stressing out over trivial things!

I find it hard to remember sometimes that the little things aren't important. I need to look at my little ones and appreciate everything good in life!

Dress Fittings!

Yes, another wedding related post. I did warn you that the blog would be a bit 'one track mind' over the next couple of months (yes, that's right, we are almost at the 2 month mark, eek!).

As my bridesmaids live miles away from me (one is in Essex, the other is in Newcastle!), finding a time when we would all be together in Bournemouth has been near impossible. I managed to book for our dress fittings with the seamstress for Monday as I knew the girls would be down for the hen weekend.

Although I was feeling very bloated after way too much food and drink over the weekend I was so excited to see the girls together in their dresses and for them to see me in my dress in person for the first time!

The seamstress was really lovely and, once the dresses had been pinned up, the girls were both really happy with their dresses and they are going to look stunning on the day once the alterations have been done! We decided not to have material added to the low cut bust after all, but to instead bring the dress together and pin a brooch to the middle. It is going to look amazing, and means the dresses will be totally unique!

After the girls had tried their dresses on it was time for me to get into my beautiful dress. I hadn't worn it since Spring so I wasn't sure how it would fit and I was really excited to see myself in it again, this time with my veil, tiara and jewellery! When I finally got into it (there's a lot of lacing and the hoop had to be put together as well), I fell in love with it all over again! It doesn't actually need any alterations to it at all either and fits perfectly, almost like it were made for me (eek!). I am so excited for the wedding. I cannot wait for Tim to see me in my dress!

We have booked in to have the bridesmaids and my final fittings over the next 8 weeks. Looking forward to seeing the bridesmaids dresses once they have been altered!

Obviously I won't be able to show you my wedding dress so as to keep it a surprise for the big day, but here is a picture of the girls in their dresses. I absolutely love them!

My Hen Weekend!

As you may know, last weekend was my hen weekend!  It was something I had been looking forward to for months and I was very excited to see some friends I hadn't seen in ages. I did get a little upset when some close friends dropped out last minute but I was determined to not let anything ruin my weekend, even the head cold and cough my lovely children had given me!

The weekend started on Friday afternoon when my bridesmaid Becky arrived with my brother (they're engaged). Becky and I were meant to be having our nails done and a massage but half an hour after the therapist was meant to have arrived, we got a message to say she wasn't going to be coming. I had a stressful hour of phoning round other beauty therapists and having everyone tell me they were fully booked, before the first place I had rung got back to me and told me they would be able to fit us in, along with my sister who was arriving late that evening, for the next morning to have Shellac done and for me to have a massage as well. Able to relax, we watched the Sixth Sense with some wine and pizza.

The next morning we got up bright and early for our nail appointments. It was a little rushed as we needed to have everything ready for the rest of the weekend to take things with us. The salon was lovely and Jemma, who owns it, went out of her way to make sure we were having a good morning. We had the use of the private chill out room whilst we took it in turns to have our nails done and then I also had a lovely neck, back and shoulder massage before we went to meet the rest of the girls at a local spa.

The spa was great. We chilled out all morning by the Pool and used the Jacuzzi, aromatherapy cave, relaxation lounge and sauna before getting changed and going for lunch at Wetherspoons.

After lunch we had a quick shopping trip for a tiara/veil for me before checking into the hotel. We didn't end up with much time to get ready and just about managed showers and to get changed and have a quick Bucks Fizz in the rooms before we had to leave to get to our Photo Shoot.

At the Shoot we had our hair and makeup professionally done before having lots of photos taken in various groups with some silly props. I had brought a few more bottles of Cava with us too and the amazing cupcakes that had been made for us too. It was a great couple of hours and I cannot wait to see the photos!

After a quick taxi ride back into town, we met up with everyone else at local Indian restaurant Mint Leaf. The food there is amazing. I had to stop myself eating it all as I was worried I wouldn't be able to move if I did! It was so yummy and the meal was great. I was so happy to spend some time with all my closest friends and some family members too!

We started on the scavenger hunt and dare cards towards the end of the meal and, after another bottle of wine, we left and went on to a local Cocktail bar 'Smokin Aces'.

It was a great atmosphere in there and we had a brilliant time. I was even serenaded with Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire when my hens got into the swing of the scavenger hunt! Apart from twisting my ankle whilst trying to pinch as many bums as I could in 60 seconds, I didn't get in to too much trouble and we got back to the hotel at around 2am. It was an amazing night and I couldn't have asked for better friends to make it an awesome hen!

The next morning we met up at Wetherspooons for a full English and then after checking out at the hotel, we had a little wander around town for a girly shopping trip before my bridal shower in the afternoon.

Female relatives and a couple of friends met at The Cottonwood Boutique Hotel for Bucks Fizz and Bacon rolls with more delicious cupcakes. I opened some lovely gifts and then we played some very amusing games. It was a lovely afternoon! It was really nice to spend some time with everyone as well. After the shower we had a quick look at the wedding venue, which was next door, and then everyone went their separate ways.

I had an absolutely fantastic weekend and cannot wait to see everyone again at the wedding in 10 weeks time!

Wedding Hair and Makeup Trial

On Friday I had my hair and makeup trial for the wedding. It was something I had been looking forward to since I booked my wedding hairdresser Blushing Brides Bournemouth back in Spring!

I was still unsure of which hairstyle to go with right up until the morning of the trial but I needn't have worried. I showed Sally the type of things I had been looking at and she got to work on two styles for me to choose from. One half up and half down with curls and the other, curled and pinned up at the back of my head in a loose bun.

Although I loved my hair half up and half down, I did look a lot younger, and I am also aware that having our wedding in February means that the weather may not be kind to my poor hair. I love the hair up style Sally went for. It makes me look elegant and feminine and I think it should withstand the elements.

After we had finished with my hair, we moved onto makeup. I have been umming and ahhing over whether to have my makeup professionally done or whether to just do it myself as I do a full face of makeup daily and have got it down to a fine art by now.

However, after having Sally very kindly do me a no obligation trial along with my hair trial, I am really happy I gave her a chance! She really put me at ease and I am really pleased with how she did my bridal makeup.

The only pointers I gave her were that I wanted to have a subtle smoky eye and pink lips, and Sally really delivered exactly what I wanted. She promised me the makeup would stay put and, even after a walk in the freezing cold local park and then a couple of cheeky wines in the evening, the makeup was still perfect by the time I went to bed!

I am really excited to have Sally doing mine and my bridesmaids hair and makeup for the wedding and would recommend her to everyone!

Why I'm Excited for My First Cervical Screening

For a lot of women, a cervical screening (otherwise known as a smear test, but that doesn't sound nice) is reason for worry, fear, dread... For me, the invitation to come for my first screening marked the end of my campaign to have one given to me before my 25th birthday.

What scared me the most was that my mum has had to have more frequent screening over the past ten years due to finding precancerous cells during a routine smear. Now, to be fair, I didn't actually win my battle. I have been informed before that I would most likely get the invitation 6 months or so before my actual birthday. But, as soon as I received my letter I got on the phone and had myself booked in for this week, the earliest appointment I could get.

My invitation to have my first cervical screening

Maybe some of you reading think I am crazy. I promise you I am not. Although there have been a lot of women who come out with horror stories of smear tests, I believe these experiences to be of the minority. Having had two children, I am already at a slightly higher risk of cervical cancer. I would rather endure a few minutes of discomfort, even pain, just to ensure that I won't be leaving my kids without a mother.

Other things that can increase your risk of cervical cancer include smoking, having the HPV, Herpes or Chlamydia sexually transmitted infections, not using condoms, having had sex from a young age, your ethnicity, social class and, worryingly, if you are on the pill. Having been on the pill since the age of 15 (therefore, for more than 5 years), my chances of cervical cancer are apparently already doubled.

The fact that I have had two children means I feel rather invincible about the apparent discomfort of having a smear test. I have had both children, naturally, as well as a total of 3 stretch and sweeps towards the end of my pregnancies. I am also a safety first kind of girl and in the past I have had tests at GUM clinics which the nurses said would be similar to a smear test. Well, back then I hadn't had one of those, but it comforts me to know whatever this screening will bring, it should be no worse than something I have been through before. Even if it were a horrible experience, like I say, I would much rather go through it than the alternative.

With statistics showing that many women are refusing to attend routine screenings, and some having never been, I am hoping that if my post on my 'excitement' for my first smear at least helps one more woman pick up that phone and book herself in,  I will have done some good. The death of Jade Goody a few years ago when she was just 27 and with two young sons shocked the nation, but there are still women dying from cervical cancer. At the time of her death, the UK government had promised to review the current age with a view to lowering it from 25. To this date, four years on, this has not been done. In fact, in Scotland and Wales, where cervical screening is done routinely from 20 years of age, this will actually INCREASE to 25 in 2015!

Taken from Cancer Research UK Website:

"Almost 3,400 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer in the UK each year. Overall, 2 out of every 100 cancers diagnosed in women (2%) are cervical cancers. But it is the most common cancer in women under 35 years old.

Around 4 million women are invited for cervical screening each year in England. About 1 out of every 100 women screened have a moderate or high grade abnormality (1%). Early treatment can prevent these cervical changes developing into cancer."

Once I was told not to be a statistic in relation to my first pregnancy, not relative, but I have taken that advice on board in other areas of my life and I will be making sure I am not at risk right now and have my screening. I urge other women to put aside any fears they might  have and take the plunge.

Meanwhile, even though I have now reached the age where I am able to have a smear, I will be continuing to fight for the right to have screenings at a younger age, especially where there has been a history of precancerous or cancerous cells in female relatives, or being more at risk.

What Would You Like to Be When You Grow Up?

"What would you like to be when you grow up?" It's a question often asked when you are a child and you don't often really know what you really want to be and most of the time, when answering, you will have chosen something that looks the most fun. Perhaps a fireman or a doctor. Most people don't go on to become what they 'wanted' to be as a child, whether it was an unrealistic dream or just because their likes and ambitions changed as they grew up.



My 18th Birthday party- theme was
 'what you wanted to be when you were seven'

For my 18th birthday party I held a fancy dress party with the theme 'what you wanted to be when you were seven'. The outfits ranged from serious to hilarious (somehow we had two girls who wanted to be ladybirds)! I went as a celebrity. I wanted to be lots of things when I was that age. One being a teacher, another a secretary and being famous was also quite high up there.

I think my main issue, which I have realised recently through counselling for PND, is that whereas most people leave this indecisiveness behind when they reach adulthood, I still want to do lots of things, to be lots of things and this makes it hard to focus on any one thing I set my hand to.

I love working, but right now I am unable to put the time and effort I need to into my business

Last week I had to make the difficult decision of taking a break from my events business. I was already finding it increasingly difficult to work around a very mobile Carly, but when Cameron's childcare also fell through, I realised that working around both kids week in, week out, would be near impossible and not fair on me or the kids to put us under that pressure. It has been hard as I want to be able to work, but at the same time, I am unable to afford childcare for them both in order for me to put in the time and effort the business needs. It's almost like having three kids, and unfortunately it has meant having to put the needs of the business to the back of my mind for the time being.

In the past, blogging has led to opportunities such as writing for More Magazine
and taking part in their Superfan issue

The positives to have come out of this is that I have been freed up to have a think about what my other passions are, apart from events. I have rediscovered my love of blogging, and when talking to my counsellor, I have realised that writing is what makes me happiest. I have been looking into freelance journalism and also rethinking about books that I have started writing in the past. Writing is something I love and can be slotted in to my life with relative ease.

Modelling has always been something I have loved

 

I have also set up a modelling page. As a natural born poser, I love being in front of the camera and I have really enjoyed taking part in photo shoots in the past. I wouldn't want to model full time as a career, but this is definitely something I am looking into doing in my spare time.

Ultimately, being a mum and doing things that make me happy
are what's important right now when battling with PND

As someone who has struggled in the past to come up with hobbies on my CV I am determined to understand what makes me happy outside of work and the kids, and I think these two things are definitely a good start. Ultimately being happy is most important right now in battling my PND so I am going to enjoy my break from the business by spending time with my kids, writing and modelling as well as looking at the positives in life. Life is too short not to spend it doing what makes you happy!

And who knows, this break might even help me finally come up with the answer to that all important question- "What do I want to be when I grow up?"