Sometimes it Lasts in Love, but Sometimes it Hurts Instead....

As a single mum, sometimes it does feel pretty lonely at night once Cameron is asleep in bed and I can't deny occassionally thinking back to when I have been in relationships. I don't want to be back with any of my exes as they are all an ex for a reason.... but it is interesting for me to look back on how each one made me a different person slightly.

My first proper boyfriend was when I was 15. I stayed with him on and off for two and a half years, despite everyone we knew thinking we should just stay away from each other. We cheated on each other, had no trust for each other and just argued most of the time, but it was young love and I wanted it to work. We split for good just after I finished my A Levels and I am so glad we did! He has turned out to be an even nastier person than when we were together now.

My second relationship started about 6 months later and was with a guy on the same course as me at University. He was totally the opposite to my ex, a 'nice' boy who treated me really well, was always polite to my friends and family etc. I was with him for 18 months, but after a year, things had changed for me and I no longer had the same feelings. So followed an awkward, awful six months of me trying to avoid spending as much time with him, still being on the same course and living ten minutes away from each other. I do feel I should have handled things in a more grown up way. In the end he cornered me after one of our end of year Uni exams and asked me how I really felt and we ended up splitting up in a very public place. It was not a great time, although we did manage to stay friends for the Summer, before his new girlfriend started resenting our friendship and put a stop to it when she threatened me when I was pregnant. I never spoke to him again after that, despite spendind a whole year in the same class for our last year of Uni.

My third relationship started about 3 months after I had split with my 2nd boyfriend. I met him on my work placement and found it very interesting to be with someone 9 years older than me. It was a long distance relationship, had zero trust (at least on my part), was probably doomed from the start... but I have always loved a bit of drama in my relationships... I found the distance thing way too hard in the end though and ended up throwing in the proverbial towel after 6 months together.

I have been single for 18 months now, and although sometimes I do feel lonely and miss having someone to share things with and just hang around with other than my son, I also feel a lot more free to be myself than I have ever felt before in any of my relationships. I am definitely in no rush to find myself a boyfriend. I am focussing on getting my career sorted out in the next 6 months and raising my son to be a better man than any of my previous boyfriends. I am not anti-men (despite what my Facebook friends may think from statuses!) but I am embracing life as a single mummy. Yes, it is hard, but what don't kill you, only makes you stronger, right?

Are you single and enjoying it? Or are you in a relationship and loving it?