Tuesday, 1 March 2011
What It Feels Like to be Threatened...
I split with an ex boyfriend in the early summer of 2009. I had been unhappy for a long time, as had he, and so after a little while, we became friends. We were both on our placements for Uni and would chat quite a bit, most days. When I started dating someone, I didn't tell my ex as I didn't want to rub my new relationship in his face. Soon after I heard from mutual friends that he had a new girlfriend anyway. After a while we discussed the fact that we both had new partners, but everything stayed the same, we were just friends. My boyfriend was wary of my ex, saying he wanted more than being friends, but I didn't, and still don't think that was the case.
His new girlfriend was pregnant, but by another guy, and he was staying with her to raise the baby. She apparently didn't like the idea of me and him staying friends, but seemed alright with me to start with, but slowly got more and more paranoid resulting in my ex talking to me behind her back. She didn't ever speak to me herself, until I found out I was pregnant, and after my 12 week scan, I put up my scan photo as a way of announcing my pregnancy to the World. I had already discussed the fact I was pregnant with my ex boyfriend as I was really worried I wouldn't be able to cope. By this point, his girlfriend had given birth to her daughter and so I thought he might be able to reassure me, being a sort of dad himself. He was nice to me about it and said I would be a great mum, and that maybe his girlfriend and me would get on once I had the baby as we would have something in common.
When I put the photo up, I was still friends with my ex's sister. She commented on it just saying something like 'wtf?' or 'OMG!'. I thought it was a little odd. The next day, I realised she had deleted me from Facebook, but due to her page being very open, I was able to see the conversation she was having with her brother's girlfriend on her wall. I could only see what the girlfriend was saying in response to his sister, but it was obvious that they were both bitching. What was most hurtful was what they were saying, that I was most probably making the fact that I was pregnant up to get attention. It went on for a while.
In the heat of the moment, reading the stuff she was saying about me, I messaged her on Facebook and so started an argument that lasted around 5 messages. I have since lost these messages, but they were quite nasty on both sides. I can give as good as I get when people are nasty to me. I rang my ex after a couple of messages and asked him to tell her to stop being so horrible when she didn't even know me, but he was really odd on the phone talking in a different voice. He sounded really cold. He told me that I shouldn't keep trying to talk to him because he didn't want me to talk to him. This was totally strange seeing as it was often him that was starting the conversations up with me! The messages were making me really stressed and upset, and as I was pregnant at the time, my mum told me to block her so I couldn't get any more worked up. I did this and considered the argument over.
Late that night, I logged onto my hotmail account to be faced with this message:
'I'm the stalker?? Haha u are such a joke!
I have never looked on your profile, we Arnt even friends on there so
how could i? wow shows how smart you are!
You wana watch your back as it was your 'so called friends' who told
me what your like guess you don't even have many of them either!!!
Oh and Why call (EX) again btw? He HATES you! as and Do I..
And to be honest that's very sad as I have never even met you! I guess
u just have that effect on people! And call me whatever you want yeah
wait till u have ur baby see how skinny you are? SCANK!
Oh and one last thing ..jumping off bridges?
Haha na luv that's more your style no?
(EX) told me how sad and pathetic you are as to be suicidle! Hahaha
you really are such a mess arnt you? Waste of a life really eh?! I
Feel so so soooo sorry for that baby!
Oh yeah and you really REALLY wanna watch your back coz say one more
thing about my baby and I swear to god I will find you once (and if u
do actually) have your baby and I will fucking screw u up! You don't
want to mess with me emma!'
I was literally shaking when I read it. She had either got my ex to give her my email address (as it wasn't the one attached to the Facebook account), or had gone out of her way to steal it from him just to get the last word and to threaten me. I had said some nasty things but had not threatened her in the slightest. I called the police after getting this message, and they took it very seriously as I was so vulberable, being pregnant at the time and it was a direct threat to me. To attack someone verbally or otherwise, when they are pregnant is really unfair and nasty.
What upset me the most was the fact that he didn't once admit to her that he had in fact wanted to speak to me, and was still speaking to me ages after she told him not to, and the fact that he had told her how low I had been. That was told to him in confidence because I thought I could trust him. I was most worried about having to see my ex a couple of weeks later at out midplacement seminar. But the University were amazing and made sure he didn't come anywhere near me.
I haven't heard anything since from either of them. I am in a class with him but neither of us even make eye contact. I think it is really sad how being with someone like her has changed him so drastically. When we were together he would never have been so nasty. He was in fact too nice! Just goes to show how anybody has it in them to be a bully.