Body Image and why I am finally happy with the way I look!

me pre baby on holiday, hiding my tummy

I decided to do a blog post on body image because I know that it's something that a lot of girls have a problem with. It is also an important subject to me as I actually finally feel body confident but it took a lot to get to this stage.

Before I was pregnant I was a healthy BMI, a size 8 on top and 10 on the bottom and weighed 10 stone. I wasn't happy with my body though and had a constant battle with my body from the age of 15 to 20. I would almost constantly be on a diet, yo-yoing between weights and dress sizes. My boob size wasn't even fixed because of it, I went from a C cup age 15 to a A just before I got pregnant. I would sometimes eat nothing more than a plate of tuna and sweetcorn for dinner and then some nights would eat an entire pizza, with chips! I wasn't ever happy with my body, even though looking back now I think I looked pretty damn good! I would quite happily starve myself in order to look good, but could never keep it up and would end up binge eating as a result of having not allowed myself anything before.

I was probably at my most unhealthy whilst working on my placement in the Summer of 2009. I worked for a catering and events company so food was constantly around me, but due to stress, embarrasment of eating in public, and wanting to look good (I had just started dating my infamous ex), I barely ate at work. And, as I was almost always at work, it meant I barely ate.

Things totally changed for me, for the better, when I realised I was pregnant. I suddenly realised I couldn't keep up the cycle of barely eating and then binging. For the sake of the unborn baby I started eating properly, and I have never felt more happy with my body! Even though I was getting bigger all the time, I knew it was for a reason and I was finally able to  

Heavily pregnant and feeling good about myself :)

look in the mirror and love what I saw. I knew I was eating not just for me but for someone else and once I stopped starving myself I actually think I lost some weight just from eating sensibly (though obviously I was gaining baby weight so it wasn't really clear!). I ate when I wanted, what I wanted and actually ended up eating mainly healthy things as a result. I was still a bit body conscious, however, and was terrified of getting stretch marks, which in the end I did. They held off until just before the baby came but then came in force on my tummy and hips as well as my boobs where they had stretched from an A to a DD!

After having Cameron, I was pretty self conscious about my body. I did feel massive and a bit worried I would never lose the weight. I piled on a lot of weight that I would have been losing from breastfeeding, by not having the time or energy to cook properly and so eating pizza, chips, ready meals etc every night as well as a chocolate bar every day after he was born! Thankfully, I finally remembered how I was eating when I was pregnant and began to eat sensibly again (after a brief 'soup diet' that lost me weight but made me moody!).

To coincide with the new year I began a healthy eating plan and so far have lost 8 pounds in 3 weeks. I feel so much more confident, eating healthily but still allowing myself the odd treat and having a free day at the weekend where I can eat what I want. I don't feel that by any means I have a perfect body at the moment, neither am I striving to get one. My aim is to weigh 9 stone 8 by April for Cameron's Christening, which is another 10 pounds and puts me nicely in the middle of perfect BMI for my height.

I am happy with my body, having had a baby. Sure there are stretch marks on my stomach which I would like to get rid of, but they show me that I carried a baby for 9 months and went through childbirth to get my gorgeous son so I am ok with them. I have the confidence to put up a picture of how my body looks RIGHT NOW for you all to see what someone who has had a baby recently looks like in her underwear. I'm not by any means saying this is what anyone who has had a baby looks like, some girls are naturally slimmer or bigger than me, everyone is unique. But this is my body, and I am happy finally with how it looks! 

My body, this morning, stretch marks and all!