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Thursday, 7 June 2012

Ruining the Surprise or Wanting to be Prepared?

Ever since I started properly showing, the question has been asked not only by friends and family, but also by complete strangers. As soon as I've confirmed that yes, I am indeed pregnant and haven't just been overdoing it on the pies, they all say "are you going to find out what you're having?"

My answer comes quickly and naturally. Yes I am going to. For me it was an easy decision.

As someone who loves to be organised, writes to do lists for everything and hates not knowing what is happening it just makes no sense for me to not find out the sex of my unborn baby when the option is right there. That isn't to say I don't understand why some people do want to wait to find out or that I judge them, although I do find it incredibly frustrating when the people doing this are my nearest and dearest (my best friend had a baby this Spring and opted not to find out the sex, the anticipation almost killed me). 

I admit that I am impatient, in fact this is one of the first reasons I give as to why I am going to (hopefully, it isn't always a definite after all) find out the sex in a couple of weeks. Because this is the thing. Upon answering the 'will you find out the sex' question, apparently a straightforward yes or no asnwer isn't enough. You have to justify your decision to those asking. There is a strong divide between those parents who want to know before the baby is born and those who don't.

My reasons are simple. I am impatient and like to be organised so to me it makes sense that I can find out as soon as possible allowing me to get everything I need for the baby before it arrives and decide on a name. What annoys me is when people who would/are/have waited to find out the sex of their own baby feel it is their place to say things like 'why would you ruin the surprise?' or 'it's so much better to wait until the baby arrives to find out'. I accept that people may have these views but I don't, and I shouldn't have to have them thrust upon me or have people attempt to make me feel guilty for my choice to find out.

The surprise aspect always makes me laugh anyway. Having gone through childbirth before, I can honestly say that going through such intense pain and then suddenly having a screaming miniature human thrust upon you is a big enough surprise!

I found out that I was having a boy with Cameron for the same reasons I have already mentioned, but also because with that pregnancy I was alone and, as he wasn't planned, I also didn't feel like I was bonding with my unborn child as much as I would have liked to. By finding out that the baby was a boy and being able to start calling him Cameron, I felt so much closer to him already and didn't feel as alone going through the pregnancy.

For me, whether I will find out the sex isn't really a question. It is something I want, and hope I will be able to do and isn't open for discussion.

What are your opinions on finding out the sex before giving birth?


  1. I didn't find out the sex of my son as it was our first and it really didn't matter one way or the other so we bought everything in neutral and decorated the nursery that way too. However when we have our second we will be finding out, we already have the main bulk of everything we need but I will know whether to get rid of my sons clothes and stuff if we are having a girl and will keep a lot of it if we have another boy!

    I think it is totally personal choice and you should do whatever you want to! Ignore anyone who says differently.

  2. I totally agree with you! I had so many people telling me that i was silly for ruining the surprise, even strangers! I wasn't bothered what I was having eitherway but like you, i felt closer to the baby when I found out I was expecting a boy. I felt like I knew him and could call him by his name rather than 'the baby.' It had made me more prepared for his arrival and I feel that we made the right choice. Ultimately, its down to the mummy and daddy so you go for it! Sod what anyone else thinks!

    Good luck x

  3. It is totally a personal choice, I agree. I just wish people would be more understanding that it is my decision to find out if I can. I also would like to know for the practical reason of whether to keep Cameron's clothes or get rid of them. Not long to wait now anyway! xx


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