I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of January 2010. I had been partying a lot over Christmas and New Year and had lost track of the all important p word. I had a test left over from awhile before and one morning I just had this feeling that I HAD to take the test. I took it into the bathroom with me when I went to take a shower. As the screen flashed up saying 'pregnant' and my life changed forever, I was in denial and shock. I waited around for it to flash again with 2-3 weeks before calmly taking off my clothes and getting into the shower. I washed my hair, put a robe on, picked the test up from the floor where 'pregnant: 2-3 weeks' still stared back at me, and walked down to tell my mum. She was understandably a bit shocked. But my mum is amazing and she quickly came round to the idea of being a nanny! I set about telling my family and a couple of my friends but held off telling the rest until I had my all important 12 week scan.
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| 12 Week Scan |
I still remember that day as if it were only days ago! I went with my mum and, as the screen came onto my tiny baby boy, I had tears in my eyes. My life was really going downhill, with my ex boyfriend threatening suicide because of me keeping the baby and not even being sure if I would complete my degree due to becoming pregnant. But seeing my baby on that screen made everything ok again. I was creating a life, and that was the greatest thing I could do.
I wasn't sure at the time, I couldn't be, but I had a feeling that I was having a boy. I knew I would call him Cameron if he were a boy, Grace if it was a girl. More often than Grace I would call my little bump Cameron. I talked to him a lot. The truth was, I was lonely and scared and feeling like I had someone else in it with me made it easier. So I would tell him how it would all be ok, how we didn't need his daddy and how I was going to try my hardest to be the best mummy in the World for him!
At 17 weeks I was visiting family in Kent and getting ready for a family party when I began bleeding. I was the most scared I have ever been in my life. The bleeding slowed down but it had been bright red and so I went to the Accident and Emergency to be checked out. After a long and nerve-wracking wait, with a handcuffed man sat opposite me between two policemen(!), I was able to see a doctor and she felt my stomach and told me that my baby was still moving. This all happened a few days before I was due to fly to Canada. I was not convinced by what the doctor said and demanded I have a scan once I was back home as I didn't want to fly if it would put the baby at risk.
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| 17 week pregnant |
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| 17 Week Scan |
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| On the way to Canada |
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| Victoria, Canada |
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| 18 Weeks Pregnant |
Once back in England, it was only a week before my 20 week scan and excited was not the word! I knew I would be finding out the sex. Waiting is fine and I'm sure it is a lovely surprise when you don't find out. But I am impatient with everything and having a baby was no different! Plus, I wanted to know what I could call the baby so I could feel closer to them as it was only me and them. So, the question on everyones lips when I went into that scan room was: will it be Cameron or Grace? And as we all know, it was Cameron! I was asked straight away whether I was finding out and after I had said that yes I was, the sonographer said straight away that I was having a boy! He apparently had flashed her! I was a little bit shocked if I am honest as in the past few weeks I had built myself up to be having a little girl. But, as I went shopping after the scan, I was so happy to be finally sure that I was having a boy and that he would be called Cameron and that I could finally buy little blue clothes!
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| Sucking his thumb |
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| Cameron! At 20 Week Scan |
Just after my scan was my 21st birthday. I didn't quite celebrate it as I had originally expected to (a bar crawl in London!). Instead, I went for a quiet few drinks in Hot Rocks in Bournemouth by the sea, drinking only non-alcoholic cocktails. It was nice. I even managed to look not too awful, if I do say so myself! I also celebrated at home with family and a tea party. I had one small glass of champagne for my 21st, and felt bad about that! At this point I was around 5 months pregnant......
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| At my 21st Birthday (non-alcoholic) drinks! |
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| 20 Weeks Pregnant, aged 21! |
to be continued...........
As an outsider in the whole pregnany world I found this so fascinating to read, I found it very interesting to know how you felt throughout everything. Can't wait for the next chapter xx
ReplyDeleteahh thanks hun, will prob post it tomo :) xx
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